The Wagon has a broken wheel...

This has been an excessively frustrating couple of months as far as my health journey is concerned. As previously discussed, I needed a break from constantly monitoring what was going in my mouth. Thinking I would still make healthy food choices I got my unfill which seemed perfect at the time...but now I've gained 20lbs. I know, it's a minor setback in a huge achievement but it still makes me feel crappy.

This is when that stigma people have about lapbanders really starts pissing me off. I hear all the time how I made the easy decision and have seen the look in people's eyes when they ask how you lost weight and you tell them you had lapband. You instantly feel the need to justify your decision and explain that it's a tool and a lot more than just eating less. My band is still over half full and I gained weight...not because I ate more but because of what I've been stuffing in my mouth. It just makes it hard because people think you're just taking the easy way out!

**********venting done**********

Ok, now that I got that out of the way...I have started a new blog that will (hopefully) teach me to be a better, more nutritious cook!

I just need to get motivated to workout again. It's getting hot but luckily the walking trail that wraps around my apartment is mostly shaded. I need to buy some pepper spray so I can go in the evening if I want! It's a great little trail with plenty of trees and a little over a mile so I should be worked up to my 3 miles/day challenge in the next couple weeks. I'd like to walk 3 miles/day - 5 days/week, think I can do it? Me too!

Ok, so there it is...my healthy wagon has a broken wheel, but I'm on it, it's just a little bumpy right now! I will take all the motivation and encouragement anyone can spare!! I need to reach my final goal...that would mean losing 30lbs...let's say by Christmas? Deal.

Peace, love and happiness :)

Jordan

My Daily Struggle

It is a daily struggle to live a healthy life. Over two years ago I made the choice to live a healthy life. Although lap band has been a valuable tool to help me lose weight, it did not help with a healthy lifestyle. Those are made through good food choices, physical activity and refreshing your mind.

I'm here to say that I have fallen off the healthy lifestyle wagon...in a big way. It has been a very difficult 2 months. With school, work, homework and a mangle of what social life I have...there is very little time for me. Whether you are a believer in God or not, I do believe and have made it a priority to get my life with God back on track over the last few months. It has been an incredible journey and I have learned so much so far about myself and how I view others. But, with all of my time gone missing I have discovered myself making more and more unhealthy choices. I can make excuses...talk about how it is more difficult to eat healthy with a super busy lifestyle...and with the availability of greasy cheeseburgers and carb wrapped chicken at the nearest drive-thru window, who can argue with me? Not to mention the price of healthy produce & groceries vs. fast food discount slop. I can also complain about how cold it is and that doing my exercise of choice, speed walking, is pretty much impossible right now. 

I made the mistake of getting an un-fill a little over a month ago. I was tired on not being able to eat the food I missed and frankly needed a break. But due to that break, I have; for the first time since I got the band; gained weight back. It's normal to fluctuate a little here and there. To gain and lose a pound or so every couple weeks. But how about 10+? I know that I have accomplishment behind me...I have lost almost a whole human being...definitely a whole tween, lol. Right now, I am struggling. I know these are excuses...I know that I am better than this. But, sometimes I need to be reminded why I am doing it.

I don't feel good. Physically, I feel like I'm dragging. My energy is down, my motivation is worse. I am having a tiny pity party for myself on the inside. So, if you are reading this...I need some encouragement...not just to get back on the wagon and start eating healthier and achieving my weight loss goals...but in life. Right now is a struggle. There is so much going on that sometimes my head spins. I am overwhelmed with school and the homework that comes with it, not to mention the perceived lack of time to finish it all. For the first time in my college career, I am working from behind and it's a horrible feeling.

I don't want pity or criticism. I'm not asking you to write a paragraph. But, I will ask that if you are a praying person, please say a prayer for me. Leave an encouraging word. Or, even better...if you see me, I could use a hug, ALWAYS! 

And lastly, thank you for everyone who takes the time to read this. There are people in my life who have been there supporting me through so much and have changed my life in so many ways. If you smiled at this, you know who you are :)

How time has flown...

Oh my goodness. I can't believe I haven't updated since February!! I guess I'm a little overdue!! 

For those of you who know me, you know that one of the goals that I most wanted to reach was getting to Onederland or for those of you unfamiliar with that term...under 200lbs. I don't even remember the last time I was under 200lbs. I do remember the pain and sadness when I was 14 and realized that for the first time I was over 200lbs. I used to fear the scale so I don't really know when I turned that corner. It has been a long and sometimes painful journey but as of October 28th, 2012 I weighed 198.6lbs!! It was such a huge accomplishment for me. After some personal struggles I decided I can no longer afford to live my life for someone else. I decided I had to find the time for me and for my fitness. So...without any further ado, here are my current and pre-stats! I'll post some pics soon!!

April 2011
Weight: 292
BMI: 50.1
Size pant: 26
Size shirt: 22/24
Size bra: 42C
Size shoe: 8.5-9

October 2012
Weight: 198
BMI: 34.0
Size pant: 18
Size shirt: L-XL
Size bra: 38D
Size shoe: 8

Did you catch that? My BMI has dropped 16 points!! Woo-hoo!! And I'm officially 28lbs away from my overall goal weight! Hoping I can meet that by April if not before!!! 

Thank you to all of the beautiful people in my life that have supported and encouraged me these past months. I love you all so much and can't express how much you mean to me...you know who you are ;)

Peace, love & happiness,

    Jordan

Oh weight loss...you are a fickle beast!!

So...I will get to some more personal stuff first but let me get to what you are all waiting for.

Yeah, I'm stalled. I haven't lost a flipping pound. But I haven't gained either. Which is good. One of the doctors at work and a great ally told me that my body has been through a major change in a short period of time and I probably need to plateau. All I keep thinking in my mind is "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" I also have to remember that I had an unfill and managed not to gain any weight and that prior to my unfill; before I got sick; I was feeling the need for a fill. So basically I'm back to that point. I need a fill and my appointment isn't until March 20th...*sigh*...a whole month away! But, I also haven't been working out. Between work and school, it seems there's no time!! Gotta find a way to work it in!!!

On to more personal matters...I'm currently going through a time of personal discovery. The worst part is that is brings a lot of emotion, hurt and pain to the surface. I'm lucky to have a wonderful set of friends, family and a great man in my life who are allowing me to go through this and supporting me through this difficult time.  Anxiety is something that I struggled with as a teenager but had really gotten a hold on but being in my first new relationship since Dad died has opened a lot of issues that I never dealt with. On that note, I've been asking for prayers for Craig and his family. His cousin died this past Sunday from complications of a motorcycle accident the previous Sunday. It's been a difficult time for him so please say a prayer for him & his family.

 

There are beautiful blue skies ahead and this is a wonderful life. I'm just trying to get to a point where I can enjoy them without any restriction!! Thanks again whoever reads this. I hope I'm helping in some way, not just with weight loss but also sharing my struggles. I think so often we live in a world were we just let our problems disappear or sweep them under the rug because it's inconvenient...time to let that all out folks, life is too short to spend it keeping pain and hurt stuck inside!!

Also, there are apparently quite a group of people who read this blog anonymously or just browse it...comment, say hi, tell me if you are on a similar journey...I'm interested in YOU!!!

Peace & much love,

    Jordan

Just a little bit more :)

Life is crazy & awesome at the moment. Just started school back up and I'm actually enjoying it. I'm taking Drawing & Media Methods II which is quite frightening for someone who does not have a good, solid drawing technique...but it'll get better, kinda the point of classes, I guess! I'm also taking an Art History Class on Modern Art since I loved my Renaissance to Modern class so well! And lastly a quite hippie friendly health class called Health & Wellness for Life.

Aside from that I have been working & trying to fulfill a nice social life :) I am in that "burning the candle at both ends" phase. It's hard for me to not see my friends but I am definitely suffering from some sleep deprivation! Luckily, I have 8 days off of work beginning Thursday so I get to celebrate my birthday with a bang!!! (Btw, my boyfriend is pretty awesome, too!)

And, I can proudly say that even with the .5cc removed from my band I went from 214.6 to 213.5. I have no clue how I have lost any but I won't complain. I have actually been rather indulgent & I've been trying to enjoy my little bit of extra food freedom during this time!! I get a fill on February 7th & I'll be ready to get it for sure! I have another 21lbs to lose by April 14th!! That would put me -100lbs & only 22lbs from my goal weight! I'm so excited!!!

Well, I just wanted to throw out a quick update!!! How's everyone else doing???

Jordan

The bad side of things...

I probably didn't mention this here before but one of the goals I had set for myself was to lose 75lbs by January 1st, 2012 and if I did, my reward would be a pair of TOMS. 

YAY!! I successfully went from 292lbs to 214lbs which was total loss of 78lbs!! WOO-HOO!! These were my reward and I can't wait to actually wear them tomorrow. Here is a quick recap of my accomplishment so far!

Lost 78lbs (the holidays kept me at a stand-still :)

BMI from 50.1 to 36.7 that -13.4 points!

Shirts from size 22/24 or 2x down to x-large and sometime large (when it runs big! lol)

Pants from a size 26 to a size 18!! (this was actually a life goal that I wrote down years ago!! Never thought I would achieve it!)

Shoes from an 8 1/2 - 9 down to an 8

Ring size from a 9 to a 7

***sensitive information on next line***

bra size from a 42C to a 38D holla!

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Now that you got the awesome, here is a little change of pace...prepare yourself for an epic story :)

Picture it, I come down with a sinus infection. Stupid me forgot to acknowledge that I cannot swallow giant horse pills. Might have been a good thing to remember. So, I get my antibiotics on Wednesday night after work and realize there is no way I can take them. The next day I called the pharmacy and they said to crush and take with food, no problem. Well, until lunch. I think I mentioned before that when you get sick your band can go kinda loopy, this was the exact circumstance which rendered me incapable of eating...for 2 days. So by Friday I was dry heaving absolutely nothing since I couldn't eat and was nauseated because the only thing on my tummy was mucus. So, I put a call in to the surgeon and had to go in for an emergency removal of .5cc's. Once that ordeal was over I called my PCP who recommended I try to get an injected dose of antibiotics and long story short ended up in Menorah's emergency room for a shot of Rocephin in my right butt cheek and a prescription for LIQUID antibiotics which would have saved me from all this in the first place!!

Moral of the story: remember you have a lapband, dorkfish!!!

Ok, so there is my little update! Life is still awesome, exploring new things, meeting new people, getting your heartbroken a little. It can all suck sometimes but in the long run it makes you appreciate the good things even more! Life can get messy but aren't you glad that we can clean right up again?

Oh Christmas Eve!!

I adore this time of year. Everything about it really. Well except one part. The "Dad" baggage. This year has been particularly sharp and I'm not sure why. Year 6 shouldn't be some apocalyptic event but after spending the better chunk of 4hrs crying in my car the other day, it has definitely been a tragic year. I will say that I had 3 really bad days then it lightened. Poor Mom is having a hard year too. Sometimes it's it seems a little schizophrenic...I am such a Christmas person...like literally, get me to a Hobby Lobby this time of year and I'm Buddy the Elf, a total cotton-headed ninnymuggins!! But then December 20th and 23rd roll around and the Christmas cheer ends a little. For me, yesterday wasn't so bad. I got a little bit sad but nothing profound like the 19th. I think I had cried so much after work on the 19th that I was too tired to cry anymore when it was actually the 20th.  Ok, let's move on from this!!!

A wonderful thing came to my realization yesterday. My ultimate goal was to be down 75lbs by January 1st. I knew it was a lofty goal but I was determined. Apparently determination can pay off...as of today I weighed 216.4...that is 76.1lbs from my starting weight of 292.5!!!! Which means that I am slightly ahead of my goal. I cannot believe it...Merry Christmas to me, I've lost a 2nd grader!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!

I mostly came on here to wish everyone a very very Merry Christmas and let you all know how blessed I am for each and every one of my friends and family. I truly love and care for all of you!! Thank you for your continued words and actions of support!

Peace and much love,

Jordan